here we are.

still pregnant. Not that I’m shocked and amazed. I have been contracting since my appointment on Tuesday, but not useful contractions, just annoying ones. Last night they were 5-10 minutes apart lasting at least a minute a piece for the 3 hours before I went to bed, and while I woke up to multiple more, they are not labor contractions, they are hard, they are uncomfortable, but they are not labor contractions.

I wouldn’t care, but I feel like my maternity leave, the precious small time I will get with my newborn son, is ticking away. Slipping away.

I want him to be healthy and to come when he’s ready. I’m trying to be patient. But my prayers today are definitely that he comes soon.


37 weeks. and a “birth plan”

Birth Plans. Even hearing the phrase makes me giggle. Smirk. Plans and babies. The fact that I’m still pregnant and Mr.Muffin hasn’t purposely chosen to go against my “plan,” my schedule, is a miracle.  I wrote a birth plan before I got pregnant. A long time ago, when we were still living in Mitchell, I was still an OB nurse, and we were still oblivious to PCOS. It is truly what I would like in my perfect birthing situation… it is also a total spoof on “real” birth plans. I have tweaked it since then, but it still holds the same core values.

When you work in labor and delivery you learn, quickly, that the “plan” is to have a breathing, pink, heart-beating baby.  The “no Pitocin, don’t augment me, I want the whole town in the room, no IV fluids, skin-to-skin, baby can’t ever leave my side” crap goes by the wayside quickly if your baby isn’t healthy. People are TOTALLY entitled to have preferences. You are entitled to not have your baby vaccinated (but please, don’t ask me my opinion), to refuse pain medication, to have the lights dimmed, or to have your great-great grandmother in the room. Whatever, as long as the nurses and physicians can keep you and your baby safe, most anything can be kosher.  (God help me, I’m speaking in the tense of a current L&D nurse, I miss that job so much!). What I learned was also, when things look scary or dangerous, the nurse will escort grandma to the waiting room.  The physician will do everything possible to make sure you don’t bleed out on the table. The pediatrician will whisk your baby away to make sure he starts breathing.  And… much to your birth plan’s surprise, you won’t care.  You’ll just want things to be okay.

So, in honor of being “full term” here is my birth plan:


happy full-term week to us. anytime now, mr.muffin. anytime.


I went to bed last night feeling not-so-easy about the appointment yesterday. Today when I ran into the ultrasound tech, I asked him if we could squeeze me in today, despite the fact I was supposed to be working (my lame excuse for scatter-brained nursing that I was performing up to that point). He said he had an opening and my co-workers squashed my guilt about leaving them with a little extra work for an hour… I think they knew if I got a little reassurance, I would come back a more normal version of me. So I waddled down to the ultrasound room.He doesn’t have hydrops (the radiologist in me says so) THANK YOU JESUS.  Anatomically everything looked pretty good. I even got to see his little out-stretched hand for the first time (he had always had his dukes up in fists for ultrasounds). His heart is taking obvious pauses, about every 8-20 beats of so.  My nurse brain says, “it’s fine. quit worrying.”  my mommy brain is more concerned, but still super, duper relieved he doesn’t appear hydrops-y.

I have an appointment with the perinatologist next Thursday for a fetal echo… if I’m still pregnant at that point.  At least that will tell us if this is a physiological (caused by something normal) or pathological (caused by a problem) problem.  Until then, we wait. And pray. And be positive.  If it is something, or is the sign of something, we’ll deal with it.

hello everyone!

hello everyone!

maternity pics

I am so fortunate to have a great friend and co-worker who also has a photography business. We intend to have her in the delivery room, if at all possible, to capture the birth of our little man (from the … Continue reading

35 weeks… brought to you by the letter P(ee)

I have peed so many times today that I should take out stock in toilet paper. Mr. McMuffin is running out of rib space and is now taking up real estate on my bladder and pelvic bone, hence the potty dance every 30 minutes or so. And the sciatic nerve pain as well as some fun shoot-down-the-front-of-my-leg nerve singers, too. Couple this with my pathetic ability to sleep and holy hell fire heart burn if I forget the Prilosec for one day, and you’ve got one hot pregnant mess. BUT, I am happy to keep him in there until 40 weeks. It’s not like I’m going to get any sleep once he gets here anyway.


nothing beats the, “oh crap, we need to take a picture, despite how tired I look” bumpdate. sorry!

Seriously, it’s like there’s a watermelon in there. A watermelon with REALLY strong legs. And toes that I cannot wait to count and kiss.  I have no idea how he will make more room. The inn is full, no more space available.  I’m going to explode out of my belly button here soon.  And the hernias keep growing…. he’s pushing things out wherever he can… luckily (maybe??) I can’t see them anymore, just feel them growing. Miraculously enough, still no visible stretch marks…. but I’m not keeping my fingers crossed that will last. I know better.

I’ve been busy nesting, opening boxes and even washing some blankets 🙂 I finished sewing 30 burp cloths and the skirt for the crib in the last 2 days, as well as started on re-painting the dresser. It feels good to check things off my to-do list.


Unfortunately I still don’t have a nanny lined up… my latest good prospect declined 😦 I have a couple more options to go through. Hopefully something will work out.

with the crib skirt to hide stuff under the crib.  I think I like it better than without.

with the crib skirt to hide stuff under the crib. I think I like it better than without.

Without the skirt.  What do you think, better or worse??

Without the skirt. What do you think, better or worse??

Other than that, things remain fairly status-quo.  I hope to get the hospital bag mostly packed this weekend, just in case. And finish painting the dresser. And motivate my hubby to put up the trim and switch the electrical plug-ins  and light switches to white ones. Hopefully we can get all of those things done. Check. Check. Check.

OH, and the best news of the week has nothing to do with me, but it is totally worth a happy dance. Lentil, whom I have never met in real life but definitely feels like someone I would get along with really well, is not only pregnant but is pregnant with TWINS 🙂 AH, SO EXCITING! Congrats girlie!

34 weeks

A year ago at this time we were on our second cycle of clomid. I felt alone and angry, stuck in a town I didn’t like, feeling like an inadequate female. I was a miserable person to be around. Now, … Continue reading