that time i realized we are moving in 3 weeks and became too paralyzed to pack so i wrote a blog post instead

Let me begin by saying that I hate packing and moving and forwarding mail and all that jazz… a LOT.

Secondly, living separately from my husband also sucks.

And lastly, I am the worst mom ever at documenting my second pregnancy.

That all being said, we’re moving in August. My hubby has been there since the first week in May, and we’re just making it work logistically by living day-by-day. He’s in an apartment, we’ll be joining him there so we don’t rush into buying a house there until we’re ready. I am going to be ready by November, since I’m due at the end of that month. Newborns and toddlers and apartments can’t mix. Not in my world.

We’re both been back and forth the 400+ miles that we’re living apart right now. This is giving Jackson a pretty fun summer. Lots of parades and candy and swimming… good old summer stuff. But I am sick of both of us commuting. I am sick of planning, sorting, boxing-up, and making decisions. I want to chill out for a while.

I took a job with a cancer institute doing in there molecular biology department… I’m going to be doing something with the patients that get referred for genetic tumor testing. I don’t know much past that at this point, as it is a newly created position. But it’s 8-5, Monday through Friday without call or weekends or holidays. I’m guessing I’ll love that. And learn a lot.

Jackson is growing like a weed. He’ll be 2 in 6 weeks or so, and he’s pretty darn funny. He’s talking more, giving me stories in toddler-ese. Makes his needs known and climbs up to whatever heights he needs to to get what I won’t give him. And, in big news for our family, he’s been 2 days and nights completely pacifier-free! (I know, I know… whatever, he loves the dumb thing).

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best way to cool off on a hot day

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he stole my soda and would not return it.

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feeding chickens with daddy.

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chasing chickens and g&g’s farm

naked piano playing at g&g's

naked piano playing at g&g’s

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waiting for “nandy” (candy)

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love this.

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swimming on a 100-degree day, look at that white belly!

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all of the cousins together

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And baby #2 is just hanging out, growing appropriately, kicking around and doing it’s thing. We know the gender, but for the most part have not shared what it is… it’s fun having that secret to ourselves. Either way, the baby sure looks like its older brother.

#2 {love}

#2 {love}

typical day with Jackson

typical day with Jackson

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20 weeks

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today!

sympathy

What do you say to someone who you are certain won’t hear your words of sympathy and can’t comprehend them? Who’s ground has been pulled out from under her and the air has been sucked from her lungs? Who is going to be asked to make “final resting plans” for her 2nd son, a boy looking towards 6th grade in the fall?

My cousin’s son was killed today in an accident on their farm. I don’t know many details… truly those details don’t matter. He’s gone either way. Either way, he’s not coming home.

I am sad for their family. For their loss. But I am terrified for the feeling my cousin is feeling as a mother experiencing an incomprehensible loss. It is the feeling that no one wants to empathize with. And sympathy doesn’t cut it. Nothing cuts it. I am so sad for them, and it only makes me more scared for myself, for our kids, for the world we live in and I can’t shelter everyone from forever. Myself included.

No child should die before their parents. It’s not fair. It’s not okay. But it’s their reality tonight. I’m so sorry for their loss.