2 weeks away from home

I went “back east” a couple weeks ago and stayed for 2 weeks for school. I’d had this planned out for months… it was such a good plan in my mind. I’d have a new baby and could take him home and he could bond with his family that lives so far away while I did my specialty rotations for school. And on the weekend in between, Jesse would travel back east, too, and we would have Jackson baptized. Brilliant. um, or not…

Yes, Jackson got amazing quality bonding time with almost all of his family. THAT I do not regret.

proud, proud grandpa rog... no pics of gamma mary, as she was usually behind the camera.

proud, proud grandpa rog… no pics of gamma mary, as she was usually behind the camera.

tv time with papa steve

tv time with papa steve

great grandma #1 (she's 85)

great grandma #1 (she’s 85)

great grandma #2 (she's 84)

great grandma #2 (she’s 84)

And the baptism went well. I was so happy to have him baptized by our favorite priest in the church where we were married. Before I went back east I kinda forgot I would need a cake and food for all these people, but ended up ordering what I needed when I got there, and it was great.

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if you know us, you are totally un-surprised that Jackson has 4 Godparents instead of the standard 2.

if you know us, you are totally un-surprised that Jackson has 4 Godparents instead of the standard 2.
Jackson loved having the warm water pour on his little head.

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BUT… for me? The 2 week stent of having my newborn away from our home and my husband was very stressful.  It made my anxiety boil at times. I was attempting to get (any) sleep at night, be professional and intelligent during the day, shuffle my baby hither and skither with all of his necessary stuff, deal with my mother in law giving me attitude about the amount of time she was getting with the baby (augh…), pumping enough to feed the baby during the day, as well as plan a baptism that 30+ people were planning on attending. Oh, and go to class somewhere in there and get my homework done. PLUS graciously attend a baby shower my in-laws threw us.

{ and just for fun… I got a migraine on the second Monday there. Tell ya what… single mothers are a wonderment to me. How does one get sick with a newborn and no help?? It is beyond me. I had LOTS of help, GREAT help. THANK GOD. }

getting home to my husband was so relieving.  for all of us.

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Here’s the good thing: Jackson did great. He was happy. Thriving. He didn’t know momma was nutty. So it was all good.

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Happy Halloween!

what i miss.

I love my baby to pieces. itty bitty squishable ones. it’s been an amazing month… (a MONTH, wth, where does time go???)

but there are a few things that are missing, possibly never to be found.

  1. sleep. oh, sleep, how I did not adequately appreciate you. even 3rd trimester sleep beats what semblance of laying down with my eyes closed that I call “sleep” now.
  2. my pregnant belly. it was nice to rub my belly. to talk to my belly. to take care of him without trying. my pregnant belly is completely gone. totally flat, semi-loose skin. crooked linea nigra (how did that happen?) who know I liked being round quite so much?
  3. my posture. seriously… i’m such a sloucher right now. between the “breastfeeding hunch” and hormones keeping everything a little loosy-goosy still, I really feel like I could use a corset to make me sit up straight.
  4. my “normal” boobs. these things are porn-star quality. always thought having boobies would be awesome. but boobies that leak and grow and hurt are. not. awesome.
  5. time. to pee. to shower. to brush my teeth. I’ve relinquished the daily shower… because i’m too darn lazy. (I have actually peed while holding the baby. sorry Jackson. promise I washed my hand(s!))
  6. running. see above reason.
  7. (close your eyes mom) sex with my husband.
  8. life before maxi pads. get out of my life box of always infinity. you’ve worn out your welcome.

I’m sure there are more things. but, because my brain fell out sometime in the last 4 weeks (yeah, I miss that thing, too)… I can’t remember anything else. I survive on lists, small crying break-downs, and mountain dew (don’t judge me).  And yet, it’s worth it. It is. Nothing has been more worth it.

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3 weeks

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2am. And I’m busy admiring your toes. And the little milk-filled clef in your chin. You just somehow managed to drink, burp, and spit up about 3 ounces of breast milk on yourself. And me. And then fall blissfully asleep, wet sleeper and all. Miraculous. And now, basking in the blue light from the TV, I just want to stare at you. And sleep. Simultaneously.

You have been with us for 3 weeks now, and it’s been a beautiful privilege getting to know you. I am ever amazed by how you’ve filled out those newborn wrinkles already. You’re pushing 10 pounds, based on the exact science of momma weighing herself holding you, then re-weighing without holding you and subtracting the difference. We’ve learned your likes, your loves, your little chatty noises. You’ve taught us devotion in a way unknown to anyone but brand new parents. We love you Jackson. Wooky. Bubba, bubbles, monk, momma’s man. You respond to all of these names. (i hope I am not contributing to a future personality disorder). See ya in a couple hours and we’ll do this all over again.
~ mommy

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jackson’s birth photos

My photographer friend gave me the CD with the birth photos on Monday when she did newborn photos for us, too. I waited to look at them until I had the time to truly look at them. And cry over them.

Cry, I did. And I probably will every time. They are magical. Priceless.

And, while very, very personal, I also wanted to share with you, my blog world. So, I made a video.

Enjoy.

ps… worry not, there aren’t any va-jay-jay shots.

a birth story.

I want this whole post to be right, to accurately portray our birth story. Jackson’s birth story. Monday I was having plenty of contractions. Some “painful,” some just annoying, and hence I was annoyed. So I cleaned. I walked. I … Continue reading

our anniversary

~I’m posting this a couple days early, because inevitably we’ll either be having a baby on Tuesday (I actually do NOT want to share our anniversary with the baby’s birthday) or traveling together across the state for another one of my classes… our last possible road trip as a two-some~

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a great day to marry a great man.  a great day to celebrate love and family and our future. a great day to start a great life story together.

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we’ve had quite the little adventure already, and it’s about to get so much better with the impending arrival of our little man.

i love you jesse. happy 2nd anniversary.

~ps … he asked what I was giving him for an anniversary gift, I said “a baby.” he was totally fine with that …