sleep in heavenly peace? i wish.

merry christmas.

Jackson is now 15 weeks old. We continue to struggle with reflux. We’ve fixed the constipation issue (thank you God!). And we are “eh” in the sleep department. Okay, we suck in the sleep department.

We tried putting him in his crib. And for that one night I stuck to it. And did not hardly sleep at all… between my anxiety about him being in a different room, and me actually having to get out of bed to nurse him, and him being in the running for the world’s most light and fitful sleeper… well it was a bust, and he’s back to the co-sleeper in our room. Mommy and daddy flunk.

Still, his sleep has been horrible. He seems to have colic pains in the evening that we have to bounce out until he’s exhuasted and passes out in our arms. And if we’re lucky he doesn’t immediately wake up when we lay him down. For a couple nights last week he WOULD NOT SLEEP. Jesse and I were at our exhausted wits end, and one of Jesse’s co-workers suggested chiropractic, saying it worked for his girls’ sleep issues. So, Jackson went to the chiropractor. Twice. He’s sleeping slightly better since – at least one 4 hour chunk, then usually 1-2 hour segments and finshing the night inclined in the bouncer with me sleeping next to him on the couch. And most nights I feed-him-to-sleep. Let’s just say he has a big potential to be an obese little man with all of the feeding-to-sleep going on around here. On the bad nights, I feed him side-laying, and let him sleep snuggled in my arms. Bad, bad habbits. Bad, bad mommy. He HATES being swaddled, despite my multiple attempts for him to like it. (And now he’s a little too old to be swaddled anyway). But he LOVES sleeping in peoples’ arms. Bad. Oh so bad.

I thank God we have a healthy little boy… because, truly, he’s fine. He just is not a sleeper right now. Someday he’ll sleep. I keep telling myself that. It is the only thing sustaining me.

And really, babies, especially breastfed babies, aren’t really meant to sleep through the night at 3-4 months old. However, if he DID sleep through the night I would consider it a Christmas miracle.

look… he slept for 10 minutes… just long enough to snap this picture.


silent-ish nights

but holy nights.

our first Christmas with a baby in the house… as a family. our new normal.

hi momma

hi momma

jackson's first christmas ornament

jackson’s first christmas ornament


we’re not going any where for Christmas. my husband bought a ham that would feed an army. and we have snugglie jammies and hot chocolate and Christmas treats to fill our time for the next 2 days. i didn’t manage to have Jackson take pictures with santa this year, but that’s ok. it’s not a perfect first Christmas, but it’s ours.

merry Christmas to you and your families! and best wishes for a happy new year. with sleep. 🙂

our christmas card

our christmas card


and some of the outtakes 🙂




Mommy Barometer

Here’s what I’ve decided: a new mother’s eyebrows are the barometer of how well she’s dealing with life. My unruly brows indicate that I am not only preoccupied with something other than my self, but that I may not actually open my eyes enough to notice or care how I look most of the time. I wear my glasses everyday to hide the scary brows and the bags under my eyes. I wonder how much my hubby is biting his tongue over my less than attractive appearance. Poor guy.

Last night we had Jackson sleep in his crib for the first time. I can’t say it was an overwhelming success. He still woke up every 2-3 hours. Ugh. But I’m hoping that will improve. However, I missed the easy access of the co-sleeper for feeding him and plopping him back in the bassinet. Lazy mom. Sleep training sucks.

But he sure is cute during the day 🙂


3 months & back to work

I lived through the week. Jesse made it home yesterday, and it was so nice when he got up with Jackson at 6am this morning and let me sleep in 🙂 God, I missed my husband SO much!! And I would have died had my mom not came out to help me. We are so lucky to have people in our life that want to help us. And while it’s hard for me to ask for or accept help, having a baby makes you re-evaluate letting people help out. I am eternally grateful!

This week marked 3 months since Jackson joined our little family. Lately he’s been trying my brand new parenting skills. He has become a constipated little boy, and like his mother, if he needs to poop, he can focus on nothing else… except he screams and cries inconsolably.  My mom was unlucky enough to get day 8 before he finally pooped that night. Yes, 8 days between poops. Poor guy. We’ve tried multiple tricks (karo syrup, pear juice, suppositories) and nothing seems to work particularly well, and I’m not very comfortable with all of these interventions for my little boy. Yes, I believe in medicine and medical intervention, but giving a 3 month old juice or suppositories is hard for me, and I don’t want his little bowels getting dependent on stuff.  He’s also developed an umbilical hernia. I’m sure it was always there, but it’s become very pronounced with the poop hoarding. My poor little guy.

And tonight, he’s sleeping in my arms with the humidifier going next to us. He’s go a stuffy nose and a hoarse little cry. Breaks my heart. So 3 months isn’t really our friend. However, he IS growing, crushing milestones left and right, and smiling a big gummy smile when his tum-tum isn’t full. We love our little man to pieces, despite his difficult little anal-retentiveness. And may I just take this small moment to say, THANK GOD FOR GRIPE WATER. (and thank YOU Jessie VP for buying it for us – life saver!)

3 months

3 months


rocking with Gamma

rocking with Gamma

started using the exersaucer... even though his toes barely touch. He likes to sit up and see things.

started using the exersaucer… even though his toes barely touch. He likes to sit up and see things… and he may or may not being watching DisneyJunior. Ooops.


play, play, play

play, play, play


AND… I made it through my first week back at work. The night before I’m pretty sure Jackson could sense my anxiety, plus he needed to poop, so no one got much sleep. My first day back was filled with tears and texts to my hubby and pumping. We don’t have a pumping room at the hospital (I KNOW, RIGHT??) and so I have a chair in the bathroom. And I was so stressed that my milk nearly instantly dropped in production. So I drank TONS of water and ate and ate and ate the next day, and things got better. By the third day I felt like I was getting my groove back a little. I’ve decided to cut back to half-time at work as of the first of the year to accommodate more time for m Continue reading


there have been alot of tears this weekend from me.

first of all, our daycare gal, where Jackson was due to start attending in January, emailed me Friday to let me know she’s pregnant and is no longer willing to take Jackson for daycare. CRAP. Crap because A) she’s a responsible person with whom I trusted my care of my son, and B) because January isn’t very far away. Crap, crap, crap. He’s to scrambling for plan B. (our nanny is moving in January, so we can’t even do an extension of her care).

second of all, I go back to work Tuesday.  I know it’s been 12 weeks and boo-hoo me, right?? but still, my current job is not my favorite job (it totally has nothing to do with actually being a nurse either), so i’m kind of dreading going back.

most importantly, my hubby just left for the week for work. The last time he was gone for work, i was 37ish weeks pregnant. Life has changed alot since then, and i don’t like being here without him, especially on my first week back to work. Luckily, my mom is headed out to help tomorrow, so it’s only one night “alone,” but I spent last night pretty much constantly crying because I was feeling overwhelmed – all of that crying wasn’t very fair to him. He can’t help that he has to go. For all of you gals who fly solo, either because your hubby is out of town for work, or because you’re a single mama, hats off to you. I hate this. And to add to the awesomeness, it’s been negative 10 degrees all week, not looking to warm up much, so it takes out any prospect of taking out the jogger with the baby for a little change of scenery when Jackson is bored and i’m going stir crazy.

Jesse and I had a good heart-to-heart last night. We promised to do our best for our family and for each other and just push through the next 9 months of school. Really, that’s all we can do. And when I’m done, something awesome will happen… I’ll have an 8-5 job, no nights, no weekends, none of the craziness that can accompany hospital nursing. They’ll be new challenges and new craziness, but it will be WITHOUT the background noise that graduate school makes. I’ll be done with school forever if I want to. And I’ll be able to focus on my family more. I’ll have more time for them. More time for me. IT. WILL. BE. AWESOME.

anyway, leaving you with a little holiday inspiration. loving this right now…


you have a baby and everyone starts telling you “time flies” “don’t blink” “they grow SO fast”

those people didn’t necessarily lie.

But time in the McMuffin house is a weird vortex. School time is crawling, unless there’s an assignment due, then time slips away. And baby time is warp speed, except when Jackson hasn’t pooped in 7 days, then it becomes a drawn-out slow motion show. (seriously kid!)

He’s growing and changing every day. How can someone change so much EVERY SINGLE DAY?? Jackson gets a little more personality all the time, although the personality is reflective of his impatient mother most of the time… sorry kid (and every babysitter he will ever have). He’s 12 weeks old today and suddenly all of his 3 months clothes are too short. Did someone tell him it was time to switch to 3-6 month sizes?? How did he do that?

But can I make a confession?? I’m looking forward to 9 months from now. Time can zippity-do-dah its way to August. I know that sounds silly. Why would anyone want to fast forward through their baby’s first year?? I just want to be done with school so badly, that I’m willing to speed up a little.

Regardless, a minute is still s 60 seconds, and an hour is still sixty minutes, blah, blah, blah. So, hopefully I can savor the baby time and get through the school time, and by the time my little man is taking off to walk, I’ll be getting a diploma 🙂


Anyway, we recently spent 5 days “back home” with family for Thanksgiving. That time flew! But it was great to show off our growing little turkey and see our beloveds!

chillin' in the moby with mommy...

chillin’ in the moby with mommy…

little turkey tuckered out.

little turkey tuckered out. can you get a contact tryptophan buzz??

there's a turkey on his butt. OMG!

there’s a turkey on his butt. OMG!