I forgot a little bit how time is warped with a baby. It goes so fast and so slow at the same time. Baby T has successfully outgrown his newborn diapers and clothes, on to 0-3 and size 1 pampers. … Continue reading
Thomas is 3 weeks old and I have been telling my self to write this post for 7 days now. Story of my life.
Baby T is amazing. He is chill, he has figured out nighttime is at night and sleeps pretty well for a newborn… not through the night or anything, but my boobs would likely explode if he did, so I don’t mind. He is just so sweet and snuggly, and he doesn’t puke everything everywhere all of the time.
I’ve thought a lot about what makes me a different mom the second time around. Inherently we can never be the same mom to different children. We bring experience and wisdom to the second child that the first could not have had. Our lives are in different chapters than they were before. In 2013, when Jackson was born, I was in my last year of my nurse practitioner doctorate program. I was doing clinicals and school work, and then went back to work as a nurse also. I was stressed out. I cried a lot, although I don’t really think I was depressed, I was anxious constantly. My baby didn’t sleep well, puked constantly, and was generally discontent for the first 6 months. My husband was also a nervous wreck that Jackson would die in our care at any given moment. It was hard. Not necessarily because he was my first baby, but because my life was busy, he wasn’t an “easy” baby, and I just wanted to get through everything. I rushed his whole first year because I felt like better things must be on the other side of his first birthday.
Now? Well, life is less stressful in many, many ways. It’s not all happy go lucky easiness either, but we now have better coping mechanisms. Also, I have no school deadlines, which makes my general situation infinitely less complicated. We are learning to juggle the needs of 2 children. Last week was my first outing with both and without my husband, and I had to figure out how to get a toddler out of a car seat and collect his infant brother without anyone getting hit by a car. We did it successfully 🙂 I have feelings of guilt about not being able to be 100% devoted to either child when they are both home, but I realize this will be a forever feeling. Right now Jackson is going to daycare during the day, so I do get to be focused on Thomas during the week days, which is nice. More than anything, I am trying to be present in my life with my family. Trying to read books, play cows and trucks, and stare into my new baby’s eyes as he nurses. I am not perfect, I still peruse my phone more than I should, still lose my temper sometimes with my 2 year old, but I am so much more relaxed than I was with Jackson as a newborn. It just all feels easier this time, despite the fact that the number of children in our home has doubled. I like the mom I am now so much better. No crying. Just happy. Except when I had a 102 degree fever last week with mastitis. I cried a little then… but I’m on the mend, I think. Everyone thinks they want to be a milk cow when breastfeeding… you don’t though. When you don’t take the time to completely empty out all of the time, you end up with mastitis at 2 weeks post-partum. boo.
I have 3 more weeks of maternity leave to soak in all of the oooie-gooie goodness of my newborn son, then back to work. I am already sad about it, but realize that is our reality, and I will be okay, as will our boys. Just have to remember to be present when I have them with me, because they certainly grow quickly.
ANNND, photo dump: