what i miss.

I love my baby to pieces. itty bitty squishable ones. it’s been an amazing month… (a MONTH, wth, where does time go???)

but there are a few things that are missing, possibly never to be found.

1. sleep. oh, sleep, how I did not adequately appreciate you. even 3rd trimester sleep beats what semblance of laying down with my eyes closed that I call “sleep” now.
2. my pregnant belly. it was nice to rub my belly. to talk to my belly. to take care of him without trying. my pregnant belly is completely gone. totally flat, semi-loose skin. crooked linea nigra (how did that happen?) who know I liked being round quite so much?
3. my posture. seriously… i’m such a sloucher right now. between the “breastfeeding hunch” and hormones keeping everything a little loosy-goosy still, I really feel like I could use a corset to make me sit up straight.
4. my “normal” boobs. these things are porn-star quality. always thought having boobies would be awesome. but boobies that leak and grow and hurt are. not. awesome.
5. time. to pee. to shower. to brush my teeth. I’ve relinquished the daily shower… because i’m too darn lazy. (I have actually peed while holding the baby. sorry Jackson. promise I washed my hand(s!))
6. running. see above reason.
7. (close your eyes mom) sex with my husband.
8. life before maxi pads. get out of my life box of always infinity. you’ve worn out your welcome.

I’m sure there are more things. but, because my brain fell out sometime in the last 4 weeks (yeah, I miss that thing, too)… I can’t remember anything else. I survive on lists, small crying break-downs, and mountain dew (don’t judge me).  And yet, it’s worth it. It is. Nothing has been more worth it.