learning a new normal

I started my new position as a NP in the clinic on October 1st, and it is all going well. I knew there would be a learning curve, and I’m riding it, trying to take everything in as best that I can. It’s been a lot of sore throats and broken bones, speckled in with some seriously sick patients who I referred on for hospitalization and surgery – true family practice, which is exactly what I wanted.

I haven’t had a 8-5 job since the summer after I graduated high school. I’ve never given much weight to Fridays, as weekends did not necessarily mean days off of work. It’s only been two weeks, but it sure is weird! I am used to my days off during the week to make appointments and run errands. In November I will start covering some Sunday and evening walk-in clinic, so I will get a day off during the week again, which is good, because I really appreciate that time. PLUS, it will give me a day to hang out with Jackson during the week!

I can’t say for sure that I have wrapped my mind around the fact that this is my new normal, for like, a long time. No classes to plan around. No big goals looming in the future. This is what I worked so hard for, but definitely not what I am used to. I need to find a new schedule, a groove. I can surely see the benefit of meal planning, exercise planning, general life planning, with both parents working fulltime jobs. I don’t know how I thought this would all come together, but I guess I thought some of those things would get easier, but they’re not. Duh, Amanda!

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I got used to having days at home with Jackson for the last 2 months after school wound down. I miss those days SO much. I feel like he’s falling behind in language, and I don’t really know how to make this better while he is in daycare. We LOVE our daycare now, and I have no complaints with her, but I miss my one-on-one time with my little guy, working on his skills. He’s tired, hungry, and cranky by the time I pick him up at 5, and it doesn’t always make for the best quality time together. More like, “FEED ME! BATHE ME! KEEP ME HAPPY!” time. Boo.

For example, he likes my phone, a lot:

But when I take it away anytime near bedtime:

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So fun 🙂

Any tips on smoother evenings during the week??

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WM vs SAHM

Bella over at Scrambled Eggs just posted about her opportunity to stay at home and weighing in on going back to work. She commented that she is not in love with being a stay at home mom and missed going to work, and her guilt about those feelings. Bella, I raise my hands and whisper, “amen.”

Not that I’m a SAHM. But for the last couple weeks and the next couple weeks I have the opportunity to be at home with Jackson more than I am used to, until my position in the clinic starts in October. I love him more than anything, and he chooses me over any one most of the time, but I’m not really his cup of tea all day long. We’ve had some, for a lack of a more politically correct term, daycare drama for the last 3 weeks, causing us to switch day care providers fairly suddenly. (This switch also contributed to more at home time with my baby). Anyway, the new DC provider texted me Friday, which was Jackson’s first day with her, and said, “He’s so perfect, I’m so glad he’s here, he just plays so good.” Huh? You mean he’s not following you from room to room, pulling down your yoga pants, begging to be held, attended to, and adored?? At home, I’m the source of fun, comfort, and food. I am the Alpha and Omega. BUT at daycare he is entertained by older kids, learns from them, and works really hard to keep up with them. He’s too busy to be needy.

these are some of our stay at home shenanigans from the last 2 weeks:

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If I was a full-time SAHM I think I would figure out a routine that involves a variety of things and seek out outside-of-the-home opportunities for socialization. That is the only way I would survive.

But I always knew I would be a WM. I grew up with one, and it was okay. There were times I was insanely jealous that Blythe’s mom could come and get her at the drop of a hat if she was sick, while I schlepped on the vinyl couch in the principles office with a puke bucket until my mom (or dad) could figure out a plan for coming to get me. But our family got through it with 3 kids, and we all pretty much are no worse for the wear (hehe, I think anyway).

I am an insanely competitive person (mostly with myself). I thrive on social contact and pleasing others. Sometimes this serves me well, sometimes this is my greatest fault in life. I know I am capable of juggling a family and career – not to say that SAHMs aren’t. We can’t financially swing me being at home, especially when these grad school loans come due… but I’ve said, even if we won the lottery tomorrow, I’d at least need to work part-time. My career is a part of me – I am a nurse, always. Even as a mom, I am a mom-nurse.  A wife-nurse. A runner-nurse. A friend-nurse. It’s me, part of my being and soul. Sometimes I don’t even realize “nurse” speak is coming out of my mouth until someone points it out to me. Yikes.

The point of this being, Bella, I think about dressing up for work, too. It makes me feel needed and kinda awesome to have a career that I like and that likes me back. And, every woman who is a mother picks. Some pick because they have to, some because they can, some because they’ve never thought about doing it any other way. I love my friends that stay home, or even homeschool their kids, just as much as I love and support my friends that do the daycare drop-off song and dance 5 days per week. They are all awesome. And they are all doing what they need to and what they feel is best for their family and kids.

I will cherish the next three weeks at home with JackMack. I will take extra pictures and baby-momma  selfies. And then, October 1st I will put on a kick-ass dress that I have already picked out (kinda like the first day of school) and go to work. It is my calling and my sacrifice, and I picked it. I pick working mom.

~

And WTH, Jackson turns 1 this week? Excuse me while I go to the corner and cry a little more.

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the future

 

We moved to our current location in western South Dakota in May of 2012. Since that time I made 37 round trips (800miles each time) back to the east side of the state to complete my doctorate of nursing practice and family nurse practitioner degree. I drove in 100+ degree heat without an AC. I got the AC fixed. I drove, stopping every hour for a pee break and to prevent blood clots, while pregnant. I drove, white-knuckled, in really crappy snow/ice with a baby sleeping in the back seat. I drove through hours of crying, because what else was I supposed to do? I’ve spent many many nights sleeping in a bed that wasn’t my own, and for the last year, bringing a baby along for the ride every singe time but once. I’ve breastfed all over this state.

watching my baby grow from the drivers seat

watching my baby grow from the drivers seat

I owe my friend Karen SO MUCH (I’m still planning on paying you back!), because she’s shared her home with me to stay there when I needed to be at class and because she lovingly watched my colicky baby while I was in class. And, she brought me a life-saving care package when I was in the hospital, nearly septic, after Jackson was born.

love ya Karen!

love ya Karen!

I owe Angie, Nathel, Mindy, Karen, Darcie, Kassie, Jessie and so many others for participating in countless hours of cell phone conversation while I drove.  You’re welcome Verizon… however I will be reducing my minutes package very soon. You gals are my best friends, and you’ve seen me through so much.

he had lots of screen time with mom

he had lots of screen time with mom

I owe my family, Jesse’s family, and our extra family, because they have all taken turns helping with Jackson, whether for a day, a week, or over-night while I was suffering from a migraine. They’ve all given in some capacity to help me/us get to this point… money, time, help, food… we wouldn’t have survived without them.

I owe my husband, who has seen me through these most intense years of my life. He watched me, especially since moving, be at my lowest lows and my most enlightening highs. He’s loved me through ugly, cranky, sad, tired, and stressed. He’s taken his turn taking the baby so I could finish yet another assignment. He’s checked the oil, checked the tires, filled the gas tank and sent me down the interstate with his baby boy in tow, trusting me with his world. Trusting me to come home safely every time.

I don’t know how to repay any of them adequately… except to go out and be the best NP I can (and answering all of their random health questions). I want to make them all proud.

I laughed out loud a LOT at this ad in my NP magazine. Bahahaha!

I laughed out loud a LOT at this ad in my NP magazine. Bahahaha!

I will soon be signing a contract at the local clinic that is affiliated with the hospital where I currently work. I was terribly disappointed to decline my dream job that was offered to me last month back on the east side of the state, but unfortunately there were no transfer options for Jesse, and we made a choice to stay because it truly is best for our little family at this point. And, I am simply grateful to have such wonderful options to choose from, as not everyone is so lucky. I will start in the clinic October 1st in a family practice role… I am excited and nervous. I want to be great at my job, but I know that the next couple years will be a process of learning that is even more intense than school, because the patients are real and the decisions ride on my shoulders. It is an awesome responsibility.

lookin' all professional

lookin’ all professional

I haven’t fully realized the immense change that is about to be my life, our lives. I haven’t soaked in the fact that there is no “back to school” for me, EVER AGAIN, but instead the loans will come due. I haven’t absorbed the fact that I will no longer have RN hours, but instead will be able to count on Christmas and Easter being family time. These things will become real. We’ll settle into our new routine. Our life will continue to morph into whatever God has planned. So, with a happy heart, I look to the future!

supporting the momma alma mater

supporting the momma alma mater

breastfeeding & pumping & being a working mother

My goal when Jackson was born was to breastfeed him for one year. I didn’t really know what I was asking of myself, my emotions and my body, when I set that goal. I was lucky. First of all, I had helped so, so many women start breastfeeding when I worked L&D, so I understood the basics and knew the tips and tricks for starter success. Secondly, I was anatomically set up for breastfeeding success – not too big, not too little. And lastly, I made plenty of milk.

The first three months of Jackson’s life I was tremendously busy with school, but was on maternity leave from work, and a significant amount of my pumping went into the freezer, because I was able to feed him at my lunch breaks when he was at home with the nanny. When I went back to working 12 hour shifts at the hospital and Jackson went to daycare, I had to learn a good pumping system. I’d pump right before I left for work, and twice during each shift. Some days it was easy to slip away from the activity of the hospital floor to pump, other times it took a little more planning and sometimes I just had to say things had to wait, because pumping was really important. Like most pumping mothers of today, I spent my pumping time catching up on FB, blog reading, and making phone calls home to check on my baby. I also tried to eat a snack every time I pumped, making the most of my time. I’d pump about 10 minutes, which really isn’t a significant amount of time, but it was enough time to pump more than enough for Jackson to eat. While pumping gets old quickly, it has been worth all of the headache. It really has.

Now, Jackson is 10 months old (let’s be real, almost 11 months old 😦 ) and my body is no longer over producing. I’m making just enough to send to daycare the next day. When this first started to happen, I began to panic, even though I find it nice to not be freezing milk constantly. I have a stash in the freezer, too, should I start to not keep up, but I think I’ll make it through the next 2 months. Then I get to start the process of weaning, which will probably be equally hard on both Jackson and I. Jackson still nurses 3 times in 24 hours directly from the boob during those day when I have to work – evening, mid-night, and morning, and gets 2 bottles at daycare. Once he’s a year old I’ll keep that up until I dry up, but I will not keep pumping. Will not. I’m proud of myself for providing this for Jackson for a year, even when I couldn’t always be physically present. It’s been one hell of a committment. And, it’s been worth it.

The days I stay home with Jackson and I don’t have to pump are awesome (like today!!). It’s just us, and I love it. Women who are afforded this luxury full-time are lucky, and I am jealous. I am excited to move on with my career and the next steps that are in my path… but I also wish that we could afford to have me stay home. I wish I didn’t miss those little moments and was afforded the ability to fix every problem throughout the day. However, this is the life I knew I’d have. These are the sacrifices I knew I’d have to make. And I’m really excited to be a nurse practitioner!

I have made a decision and accepted one of the positions I wrote about, and I will fill you all in soon. I am officially done with all of my graduate school commitments. ALL OF THEM. I just have to attend my hooding ceremony in August. And take boards. My life has made some of the most dramatic changes I’ve ever encountered in the last 12 months. It has been amazing, exhausting, and crazy.

I now hope to have a smidgen more time to blog, and I hope to provide an interesting and somewhat original insight into working motherhood. And make some mommies out there feel okay that their child watches Frozen at least once per day, eats Gerber graduates snacks instead of organic, and has more toys than he knows what to do with… but is SO, SO loved.

a trusting and grateful heart

I spent most of last week sitting in a hotel about 200 miles away from my baby and 600 miles away from my hubby… for a NP board review. I needed to be there, to focus, and give my self the best chance I can to pass my boards ASAP after graduation. But, besides the 2 nights I was hospitalized when Jackson was a week old and one other random night when I left the baby with Jesse while I went to class alone, this is the only time I have been away from Jackson overnight – and this is the first time he was separated from both his mommy and daddy overnight.  I think this was a big deal.

Jackson stayed partially with my brother and his wife (who also happens to be one of my best friends) and partially with my parents. These guys only live about 7 miles away from each other, but I know it was still a headache for them to haul his stuff from one place to the other. How do you pack for a 8 month old when you know you won’t be there and neither of the places he will be staying have children??? You pack everything. There was even a rubber duck in his suitcase. My Tahoe looked like a BabysRUs. I just wanted to make sure they had any thing they might need. Baby thermometer. Tylenol/Motrin. Socks. Hats. Sunscreen. Pack’n’Play. Jogger. Portable high chair. Jumper. Baby bathtub. Bottle warmer. Sound machine. Toys, toys, toys. Baby food. And plenty of frozen milk. In fact, I brough almost my whole stash – and everything they didn’t use was donated before I went back home…  which was about 800 ounces!

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“so you’re going to leave me with her, eh??”

chillin' with uncle rob

chillin’ with uncle rob

grandpa's sidekick

grandpa’s sidekick

It was a little bit amazing to sleep at night, but I still woke up in the middle of the night and checked my phone just in case my sister in law or mom had called or messaged me with a question of concern… I’m too used to waking up and checking on him! It was a weird exercise of trust.  My family is absolutely capable of providing wonderful, loving care to my son, and I just had to trust them to do whatever they deemed necessary for Jackson. And I am so grateful. So grateful to have people who love me and my little family enough to swap around their schedules to spend the week with Jackson.

thank goodness for snapchat updates!

thank goodness for snapchat updates!

i'm fairly certain this is my dad's first "selfie" - he was so proud of being able nap with Jackson.

i’m fairly certain this is my dad’s first “selfie” – he was so proud of being able nap with Jackson.

HI

Hi Mom!

I missed him like crazy, but thankfully technology provided me (and his daddy) with lots of photographic updates – proof he was just fine. I was never really worried about his safety or their capability to take care of him, but I think it’s just a momma’s nature to worry no matter what. He was in the care of some of the people I trust the most in the world… and I know they understood how much trust it took to leave him for those 3 nights. Like I mentioned, my sister-in-law and brother don’t have children (yet 🙂 ), and I think this gave them a very real look at life with a baby. A real, live, feed me, change me, entertain me baby. And when Jackson was at my parents’ home, which is a farm, he was happiest outside with the animals and hubbub. All in all a good experience for the little guy! And I cannot say THANK YOU enough to my parents, my brother and his lovely little wifey!

feeding the bottle calf with grandpa.

feeding the bottle calf with grandpa.

And, also good for me to be home with my family for a little bit. This is my last trip home before graduation in August. I cannot believe how close I am to graduating, how close I am to attaining this goal for myself and for my family. That deserves its own post at another time, when I have enough time to process it more fully. Until then, once I make it through my project defense on June 24th, it is smooth sailing until boards. So, hard-core school work for the rest of the month. Almost there… I just can’t believe that I am done with my “Jackson and Mommy” trips. They have not always been easy, but they have been some of the most memorable bonding moments with my little boy, just us. It almost makes me sad when I think about the fact that that season of our lives is almost over.

so worn out after a great week with his family!

so worn out after a great week with his family!

This is one of two coolers of frozen milk I donated to the Iowa milk bank. In total it was 6 gallons of milk. This will be used in NICUs in the midwest. I was so happy to "share the wealth" :)

This is one of two coolers of frozen milk I donated to the Iowa milk bank. In total it was 6 gallons of milk. This will be used in NICUs in the midwest. I was so happy to “share the wealth” 🙂

 

 

8 months

I seriously just blinked and we went from 7 months to 8 months. April was full of trips east for school and Easter and work and clinicals and daycare and TEETHING. It’s crazy and busy and for the most part so much fun!

8 months

8 months

and just in case you were wondering how tall i am...

and just in case you were wondering how tall i am…

well, teething, not so much.

He had just popped his first tooth through before he turned 7 months. He popped the second bottom one through on Easter. And then he took all of his teething pain and anger out on my boobs. HOLYSHITBALLS. I’ve had zero breastfeeding issues since he was born (except extremely over-producing for a while)… so when he bit me and drug his teeth and drew blood… well, I have a whole new respect fo those who struggle with breastfeeding at the beginning because of cracked/chapped/painful boob issues. We nipped that problem in the butt pretty quickly, and with no new teeth looming right now, it (thankfully) hasn’t been an issue for the last couple weeks.  Through this experience Jackson learned “NO, NO” from mommy… and everytime I would tell him NO when he bit me, he would breakdown into a big crying mess. Drama, drama.

He’s getting closer to crawling. He just won’t lift his pelvis off of the floor. I know I just need to be patient and he will do it on his own time, but I’m getting antsy for him to meet this milestone. Maybe he’ll be a crawl-skipper and go straight to walking.

While I never thought puffs were good for kids, and I still don’t, he loves the damn things, and has really gotten better with his hand-eye coordination feeding himself. I wish I had the time to make things at home. And one could argue that it is my responsibility to my child to give him the healthiest food I can. Well, Gerber is working just fine for us. I’m trying to not think about the fact that he is not swimming in homemade babyfood { #aintnobodygottimeforthat } he does get fresh bananas and melon and avacados. for now, good enough.

just had to eat the sticker backing... baby battles: you win some, you lose some.

just had to eat the sticker backing… baby battles: you win some, you lose some.

I recently looked at some pictures from about 2 months ago, and I can’t believe how much he’s changed… he’s turning into a little boy before my eyes.  Today, for Mother’s Day, my husband and Jackson brought me roses at work (i am the loser who is working on mothers day). It’s just so surreal that I AM A MOMMY, that Mother’s Day is a day meant to celebrate the things I do as Jackson’s mom.

People tell you it will change your life, and you believe them, but you don’t understand them. Until that moment… that moment you look into your baby’s squinty eyes for the first time.

that very moment

that very moment

And in that moment, although it was meant to be from the beginning of time, he became mine and I became his.
You are my joy and blessing. Thank you for letting me be your mommy Jackson Christopher

6 months

I’m not sure exactly how a half of a year has passed since my little boy’s birth, but I know it went fast.

Yesterday I took care of a newborn in the clinic who was bigger than Jackson at birth, and yet, I cannot for the life of me remember Jackson being that small.

Our life before Jackson? I remember it. I do. It was full of naps and movies and eating out. I haven’t had a full 8 hour night of sleep for 6 months. I’ve only had my eyebrows waxed 3 times. My hair cut once. And my toenails have been “nude” for forever. My life is no longer about me. My life is about him…

6 months

6 months

 

My life is about knowing when he last pooped.  Knowing that his favorite toy is a colorful squishy rattle ball thingie… for today.  Knowing the difference between a tired cry, a board cry, and a “I need my momma” cry. My life is about nighttime cuddles and spitup on my clothes. It’s about getting up early if I want a shower. Staying up late to pay bills, do homework, and load the dishwasher. My life is about depending on my husband and my family for help, because I can’t do it all, no matter how hard I pretend I can. But my life holds more love than ever.

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And Jackson? He’s about as normal as can be. He’s eating new foods. Still nursing. Putting everything in his mouth. Sitting up. Rolling all over. Not teething. Not crawling. He’s a momma’s boy. A social guy. A demanding spirit. He’s changed so much in the last month, developing his personality and fine tuning his motor skills.

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mr big stuff

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fishy in the tub.

My life is crazy right now. But I only have about 5 months left until graduation day. I wish I could post more often on my blog. Spend more time reading your blogs. Run more. Eat better, etc, etc. But the most important thing for me to do right now is spend time with the beautiful boy sitting on my lap, reaching for the keys as I type. And so I’m going to… love to ya’ll! – A.

weekends

 

It’s -11 degrees outside right now. And we got about 8 inches of snow yesterday. These are times I am grateful to be snug in our house. Recently I’ve cut down to about 1/2 time at work, so I am working less weekends as well. It’s the first time in my life that I really look forward to Saturday and Sunday, because it’s my family time. (And my catch up on schoolwork time, but oh well). I hope you are all having a wonderful (warm) weekend, whereever you are! Hugs from the McMuffin House!

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Saturday morning lounge time. Love my little family.

 

{Also, one of the sweetest persons I know, and have the privilege to call a friend, underwent an embryo transfer this morning, so please say extra prayers for her and her husband today and for the next 2 weeks. There are not 2 more deserving people to be parents! I don’t know if I’ll have the patience to get through the next 2 weeks, much less her!!}

5 months

how do you write a post about a 5 month old baby? with him sitting on your lap, reaching for your coffee, watching a half screen of DocMcStuffins for entertainment because the exercauser just wasn’t cutting it anymore. that is a snap shot of our lives, and really, i love it.

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and because my brain is REALLY full, this post is just going to be a little synopsis of the last month. mostly pictures. i have been back and forth for my 800-mile round trip 3 weeks in a row with jackson in tow every time. he has done AMAZINGLY well with all of the car seat time. i know this is probably terrible, but i figured out a way to hang my kindle from the headrest of the seat, and his gets entertainment from videos during his awake time in the car when i can’t play with him or when he’s tired of his toy selection. it works well, and is a good distraction when he’s crabby… well usually. sometimes i just have to pull off the interstate and cuddle him, which is good for his little soul and mine!

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we have a growing baby on our hands, as he’s now over doubled his birth weight. he’s rolling back-to-front and front-to-back. babbling away. eating like a piggy. he started real food, although we’re still on team “mushy stuff.” he LOVES food. loves, loves, loves it. can’t get it in his mouth fast enough. and always wants to help.

Cereal Collage

he’s a pretty social guy and is happy most of the time. we still don’t sleep great at our house, but i’m guessing that’s just a personality thing. when he’s awake he must have constant entertainment and stimulation, and i doubt his brain shuts off at night either.  he does take two solid naps every day, so at least the daycare lady gets a little break 🙂

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chattin’ with daddy

mostly we just love our little boy. i thank God everyday he is growing and healthy. i thank God every day he won’t remember mommy constantly needing to use the computer while he plays in the exersaucer next to me. and i thank God i have jesse. he is amazing, both as a husband and father.  he takes over when i need to focus, he does a big chunk of the daycare drop-off and pick-up, and has an at least an hour alone with him before and after work when i have to work at the hospital. it might not seem like a big deal, but truthfully, it’s so awesome that he just helps, no complaints.  this week i’m going to school by myself and jesse’s keeping the baby overnight. please say a prayer that both of my men get some sleep that night!

before the terrible, terrible super bowl.

before the terrible, terrible super bowl. and yes those are Christmas decorations still up on our wall. oops.

and me? (because this is my blog and i get to write about myself, too). i’m so happy to be a mommy. even in the middle of the night when i can barely open my eyes to pick up my crying baby. even at 4:45 in the morning, the time i have to get up to get ready for work and still have time to pump and pack the diaper bag. even when my kitchen table is covered in textbooks and i purposely ignore my to-do list to love-up on my baby. even when i’m stressed. even when i’m tired. i would not change our life… i would not wait a year to add our little jackson to our family.

because… i’ve learned how to type left-one-handed and bounce a baby on my hip. i’ve learned to organize the chaos. i’ve even learned that laundry can wait (most of the time), and that our true friends don’t care if my house is cluttered and a little messy. i have six months left of school and then life can settle down for a minute or two. and then?? then we’ll try to make jackson a sibling, because really, i can’t wait to be pregnant again and do this again with another little person. because it all goes so fast…

20weeks

dear daycare lady

jackson starts daycare monday… we managed to find a different in-home daycare than the one that i was originally uncomfortable with… so i feel better about this transition than i did a few weeks ago.  however, i am also sad, and scared, and miss him already. i always knew we’d do daycare, and i am okay with it. i was a daycare kid, too. but, something only a mom can explain is the inability to trust that anyone can do good enough job with your child… and that ever-present guilt of not being there every minute of every day.

Dear daycare lady,

Thank you for opening your home to small children. For providing a warm, loving, safe, and fun place for babies to grow. May the first thing I always get across to you is my gratitude for what you do.

Please remember this is so very hard for me. I’m a new mommy, dealing with a multitude of emotions. My baby is the best (best, best, best) thing I have ever done. He is my world. I know you understand this, because you’re a mommy too.

Please don’t judge my choice to work and go to school. I judge myself enough for both of us. I’m only doing what I feel is best for my family and our future. I need your encouragement and support, because every day is a battle in my mind, every day I make a hard choice to move forward with my education and not stay at home to snuggle my baby.

Please respect my choice to breastfeed, it’s one way I can be with him even when I am not able to be with him. Three times a day I hide in a bathroom and pump for my baby. Please treat that milk like the liquid gold that it is. I know it’s not easy to deal with all of the “rules” that feeding pumped breastmilk entails, and that, for you, formula would probably be easier. BUT, breastmilk is one of those things that is really important to me, so I hope you will be willing to be flexible and work with our choice.

Please don’t tell me if he takes his first steps at your house. Let me think I saw it first when he does it again that night. And please just giggle when his diaper bag has three extra pairs of pants but no shirts, or when his outfit doesn’t match on the days his daddy drops him off, and try not to judge us based on those silly things that embarrass me that must happen to everyone.

All I can really ask is that you take care of my baby like he’s your own. Protect him. Nurture him. Teach him. Read to him. Play with him. Be fair with him. Kiss his boo-boos. And love him. Because we love him with every fiber of our beings.

Thank you so much for what you do,

The McMillans

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