not taking milestones for granted

As a new mom, I look for and forward to every single milestone. I probably rush things, which only frustrates me and Jackson. I so wanted him to walk well by his first birthday, but it wasn’t until the next week that he decided walking was better than crawling. Now I am working and working and working on getting him to talk more. And more with a purpose. I need to maybe relax a little – he’ll talk when he’s ready.

I can say that, because, as far as we know, he’s “normal,” average. But… what if he doesn’t talk? What if tomorrow I was told that odds were against Jackson talking? How would I react?

My friend’s baby’s scans were completed last week, and they got the best possible news – the tumor had not metastasized and they can avoid surgery and chemo for now. Re-scans every 3 months. But, the prognosis of her future walking was not made any brighter.

My friend is being beautiful and strong about it. But she is grieving and heartbroken, too. She’s an awesome athlete… and she’s basically been told that her daughter will not be a conventional amazing athlete because of a stupid tumor. That she’ll probably need a wheelchair. Therapy. Fight a stigma of being “special,”  no matter her intelligence. And while I absolutely foresee some version of walking at some point… it won’t be by or anywhere near her first birthday. Most of us don’t remember our own first steps, but she may very well know that memory. She could blow all of this out of the water… but the doctor made no promises of miracles, and they are heading into the future with open, realistic eyes.

Which brings me back to where I started. Our children are all different. They will all do different things with different levels of abilities. And we, as parents, have these expectations, crazy or reasonable. I expect Jackson to walk, and run, and talk, and be really smart, get a full ride football scholarship, and cure AIDS. He probably won’t. And I need to be okay with that. I need to stop rushing him. Keep encouraging him. And, I need to cherish each milestone as it occurs and quit taking them for granted. Because I love him no matter what.

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11 months

Right after Jackson was born I, on a daily basis, tried to not have a breakdown. It wasn’t because having a newborn is hard, although having a newborn is very hard. It wasn’t because I was venturing into my last year of my doctoral degree, which is also quite hard. It was a culmination of the two. Every day of Jackson’s life has been measured by my school progress, just as equally, every check mark in my higher nursing education for the last 20 months has been marked by Jackson’s existence. My first day of clinicals was a Tuesday, and just 2 days before, on a Sunday afternoon, I found out I was pregnant. At 38 weeks along I learned how to apply casts on my classmates, but had to miss the morning of class that day to have a fetal echo done to check on my sweet boy’s heart. On the day he was born, I was supposed to be in class, but instead I was having the most life-changing day 400 miles away. When he was a week old, I became so, so sick, and I had him there with me, in class. There are few memories of school that don’t involve Jackson at some level, and few times Jackson’s life schedule didn’t depend on mommy’s school commitments. I remember thinking, “when I graduate in August, he’ll be almost a year old, he’ll be almost walking.”  It was the warm fuzzy thought that got me through. I told myself I could do it, I would be okay. After he was born, I would repeat, “just 11 more months,” “just 8 more,” “just 3.” It was all about getting to August. Last October, November, January… well, August seemed so far away.

And then, suddenly, it wasn’t far away anymore.

In the same week Jackson turns 11 months old, I will graduate. For the first time, the measuring stick of Jackson’s life will no longer be my education. Those two things had become so intertwined. Like church and state; completely different entities, and yet, nearly impossible to separate cleanly. And, like I promised myself, my 11 month old is nearing the walking milestone, cruising everywhere and standing solo some. It is surreal.

He is amazing and funny and so very busy. He picks up on so much. He’s high-fivin’, clapping his hands, shaking his head no, being soooo-big, and waving bub-bye. He’s playing catch and throwing a ball and driving his toy truck on the carpet like it’s meant to be played with… not just chewing on it. He can get into his little rocking chair, turn around, sit down, and then get himself back out. It just amazes me.

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He’s not really ahead on his milestones, not behind, just average. His top front teeth are FINALLY cutting through – I was afraid we’d need to invest in dentures by kindergarten. He’ll attempt to eat anything we hand him and may decide the dog should eat it instead, but also still loves his nursing time with momma. He babbles about momma and dadda a lot, but also directs those titles at us appropriately at times and imitates the sounds we make. And he’s turning into a daddy’s boy just a little bit more every day – Jesse is thrilled! And I am too, because we can share in the neediness that is a nearly one year old who can crawl over to you and try to pull your pants off begging for attention.

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I am so excited for our little future, for our little family. I am excited to take my boards and pass them and move from that season of life. And, while it will also mean that our baby is a year old and no longer the tiny, cute, sleep-less, barfing bundle he was, his birthday represents so much more that 12 months of his life. It represents survival and success and strength.

11 months, so crazy…

this is a sneak peek at jackmack's first birthday photo shoot pics

this is a sneak peek at jackmack’s first birthday photo shoot pics

this is a sneak peek at jackmack's first birthday photo shoot pics

this is a sneak peek at jackmack’s first birthday photo shoot pics

breastfeeding & pumping & being a working mother

My goal when Jackson was born was to breastfeed him for one year. I didn’t really know what I was asking of myself, my emotions and my body, when I set that goal. I was lucky. First of all, I had helped so, so many women start breastfeeding when I worked L&D, so I understood the basics and knew the tips and tricks for starter success. Secondly, I was anatomically set up for breastfeeding success – not too big, not too little. And lastly, I made plenty of milk.

The first three months of Jackson’s life I was tremendously busy with school, but was on maternity leave from work, and a significant amount of my pumping went into the freezer, because I was able to feed him at my lunch breaks when he was at home with the nanny. When I went back to working 12 hour shifts at the hospital and Jackson went to daycare, I had to learn a good pumping system. I’d pump right before I left for work, and twice during each shift. Some days it was easy to slip away from the activity of the hospital floor to pump, other times it took a little more planning and sometimes I just had to say things had to wait, because pumping was really important. Like most pumping mothers of today, I spent my pumping time catching up on FB, blog reading, and making phone calls home to check on my baby. I also tried to eat a snack every time I pumped, making the most of my time. I’d pump about 10 minutes, which really isn’t a significant amount of time, but it was enough time to pump more than enough for Jackson to eat. While pumping gets old quickly, it has been worth all of the headache. It really has.

Now, Jackson is 10 months old (let’s be real, almost 11 months old 😦 ) and my body is no longer over producing. I’m making just enough to send to daycare the next day. When this first started to happen, I began to panic, even though I find it nice to not be freezing milk constantly. I have a stash in the freezer, too, should I start to not keep up, but I think I’ll make it through the next 2 months. Then I get to start the process of weaning, which will probably be equally hard on both Jackson and I. Jackson still nurses 3 times in 24 hours directly from the boob during those day when I have to work – evening, mid-night, and morning, and gets 2 bottles at daycare. Once he’s a year old I’ll keep that up until I dry up, but I will not keep pumping. Will not. I’m proud of myself for providing this for Jackson for a year, even when I couldn’t always be physically present. It’s been one hell of a committment. And, it’s been worth it.

The days I stay home with Jackson and I don’t have to pump are awesome (like today!!). It’s just us, and I love it. Women who are afforded this luxury full-time are lucky, and I am jealous. I am excited to move on with my career and the next steps that are in my path… but I also wish that we could afford to have me stay home. I wish I didn’t miss those little moments and was afforded the ability to fix every problem throughout the day. However, this is the life I knew I’d have. These are the sacrifices I knew I’d have to make. And I’m really excited to be a nurse practitioner!

I have made a decision and accepted one of the positions I wrote about, and I will fill you all in soon. I am officially done with all of my graduate school commitments. ALL OF THEM. I just have to attend my hooding ceremony in August. And take boards. My life has made some of the most dramatic changes I’ve ever encountered in the last 12 months. It has been amazing, exhausting, and crazy.

I now hope to have a smidgen more time to blog, and I hope to provide an interesting and somewhat original insight into working motherhood. And make some mommies out there feel okay that their child watches Frozen at least once per day, eats Gerber graduates snacks instead of organic, and has more toys than he knows what to do with… but is SO, SO loved.

10 months

I’m not sure why, but this turning of double digits in months has me all emotional. Or maybe it’s that I was able to spend a 4-day weekend with him over Independence Day and got to soak up all of his baby goodness.

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He is amazing right now. Truly, every day he’s learned something new. He’s mastered “real” baby crawling and gets everywhere he wants to be in a hurry. He’s gotten the grasp of “no-no,” although he tests those boundries constantly. He possibly ate dog food last week 🙂 if it’s good enough for Nella, it must be good enough for him, too, right? He pulls up on everything, and often greets me in the morning with a big smile while standing in his crib. He wants to walk – but he most certainly can’t. He prances around on his tiptoes and high steps while we hold his hands.

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He is a momma’s boy right now. I fix all problems. He crawls behind me from room to room, needing to know where I am. He uses me as the ultimate jungle gym when we play on the floor. He is my sun, I am his moon. I am already dreading weaning… but I am very ready to ditch the breast pump, so after he’s 12 months I’m planning on feeding him in the morning and at night when we’re home together until I run dry. He can have frozen at daycare until that’s gone, and then it’s moo-moo milk for the little man.

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He likes pretty much anything we’ll feed him for food. He had (pureed) steak 2 weeks ago and loved it… yummy beef! He pops open the puffs containers with his bottom teeth and gets at them himself if we let him. We try not to let him, as he typically dumps them everywhere. He really likes graham crackers, and he likes feeding them to Nella even more. She’s found a new best spot, which is right next to the high chair.

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Mostly, he’s just a normal little boy. He loves baths and swimming and swinging. He loves food, his dog and cat, his mom and dad, and crawling everywhere. He sleeps pretty good now, still up once a night most of the time, and I won’t get real serious about breaking that habbit until he’s weaned.

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And yet… he also the most amazing little boy. His eyes sparkle when he’s excited and are the saddest eyes ever when he is sad – like his daddy, he speaks through his eyes. His blond hair has just a touch of red in it – it is so soft, and fluffs up when he’s swinging outside. His skin is still soft, but his little knees are getting tough from exploring the world while crawling. He still only has 2 teeth – and I hope it stays that way until after he’s weaned. I mean that.  He talks to us in babbles. You know what he’s thinking based on tone inflection from those babbles. I wish he could talk like this forever because it’s adorable – but I also cannot wait for him to say mama and really mean me, not just be another babble in his vocabulary. He chats at himself in the mirror while he’s in his carseat, if only I knew what he talks about with himself, probably about how much he loves his new big-boy car seat because he can see out of the window. He got too big for me to carry in the infant carrier, so we upgraded. (it made me so sad to wash up the infant carrier seat and know that the next time I can use it will be with a different baby).

He is our amazing, funny, little man.

And in 2 months he’ll be a year old. That hit me last week and I panicked for a second, because I hadn’t thought about a party yet. I think I have one mentally planned now. It will, of course, be 400 miles away from our house, which makes it a big (BIG) pain in the butt. BUT, that is the best way to make sure family can be involved. And my baby brother is getting married 2 days after Jackson’s first birthday, so we’ll be on the other side of the state anyway. Convenient or not.

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9 months

9 months

9 months

9 months seems like a big deal. all of those months that correlate with baby cloths sizes, updates in baby pictures, and well baby exams seem like big deals. i just. can’t. believe. it. he’s lifetime existence has officially doubled. crazy.

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he continues to be a strong-willed little man. i firmly believe he is choosing not to crawl like a “normal” baby. instead, he does an army crawl/total body thrust.  it is most seen when motivating him with “adult” food, for instance, the pizza i dangled in front of him last night across the room. he wormed his way over fairly quickly, and then i ate the pizza. mean momma.

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he babbles mamamamamama. all of the time. while he does not correlate his mumbles with me per say, it’s nice to hear his little voice. except at 5am, then just go to sleep baby. i don’t even set an alarm anymore. i have jackson.

morning smiles

morning smiles

he only pulls himself up on me or daddy. not on furniture. so far, that’s fine by me. but he will stand and hold on to stuff no problem. and take steps holding our hands. he’s a “ring bearer” in september… gotta get him walking by then 🙂

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he is a wild child. he is loud. he is slightly crazy. he doesn’t need much sleep. he tests me everyday. it’s great… when he’s happy. it sucks when he’s cranky.

he is also adorable. funny. loveable. and so smart.

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i always knew i wanted to be a mom. but i never knew… the commitment. the love. the struggles. the triumphs. the overwhelming desire to live for someone else. and i know my hubby didn’t either. we are so, so, so blessed.

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and happy first fathers day to my hubby, whom i could not live without. he is my compass in the crazy and my partner in parenting. love you honey!

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a trusting and grateful heart

I spent most of last week sitting in a hotel about 200 miles away from my baby and 600 miles away from my hubby… for a NP board review. I needed to be there, to focus, and give my self the best chance I can to pass my boards ASAP after graduation. But, besides the 2 nights I was hospitalized when Jackson was a week old and one other random night when I left the baby with Jesse while I went to class alone, this is the only time I have been away from Jackson overnight – and this is the first time he was separated from both his mommy and daddy overnight.  I think this was a big deal.

Jackson stayed partially with my brother and his wife (who also happens to be one of my best friends) and partially with my parents. These guys only live about 7 miles away from each other, but I know it was still a headache for them to haul his stuff from one place to the other. How do you pack for a 8 month old when you know you won’t be there and neither of the places he will be staying have children??? You pack everything. There was even a rubber duck in his suitcase. My Tahoe looked like a BabysRUs. I just wanted to make sure they had any thing they might need. Baby thermometer. Tylenol/Motrin. Socks. Hats. Sunscreen. Pack’n’Play. Jogger. Portable high chair. Jumper. Baby bathtub. Bottle warmer. Sound machine. Toys, toys, toys. Baby food. And plenty of frozen milk. In fact, I brough almost my whole stash – and everything they didn’t use was donated before I went back home…  which was about 800 ounces!

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“so you’re going to leave me with her, eh??”

chillin' with uncle rob

chillin’ with uncle rob

grandpa's sidekick

grandpa’s sidekick

It was a little bit amazing to sleep at night, but I still woke up in the middle of the night and checked my phone just in case my sister in law or mom had called or messaged me with a question of concern… I’m too used to waking up and checking on him! It was a weird exercise of trust.  My family is absolutely capable of providing wonderful, loving care to my son, and I just had to trust them to do whatever they deemed necessary for Jackson. And I am so grateful. So grateful to have people who love me and my little family enough to swap around their schedules to spend the week with Jackson.

thank goodness for snapchat updates!

thank goodness for snapchat updates!

i'm fairly certain this is my dad's first "selfie" - he was so proud of being able nap with Jackson.

i’m fairly certain this is my dad’s first “selfie” – he was so proud of being able nap with Jackson.

HI

Hi Mom!

I missed him like crazy, but thankfully technology provided me (and his daddy) with lots of photographic updates – proof he was just fine. I was never really worried about his safety or their capability to take care of him, but I think it’s just a momma’s nature to worry no matter what. He was in the care of some of the people I trust the most in the world… and I know they understood how much trust it took to leave him for those 3 nights. Like I mentioned, my sister-in-law and brother don’t have children (yet 🙂 ), and I think this gave them a very real look at life with a baby. A real, live, feed me, change me, entertain me baby. And when Jackson was at my parents’ home, which is a farm, he was happiest outside with the animals and hubbub. All in all a good experience for the little guy! And I cannot say THANK YOU enough to my parents, my brother and his lovely little wifey!

feeding the bottle calf with grandpa.

feeding the bottle calf with grandpa.

And, also good for me to be home with my family for a little bit. This is my last trip home before graduation in August. I cannot believe how close I am to graduating, how close I am to attaining this goal for myself and for my family. That deserves its own post at another time, when I have enough time to process it more fully. Until then, once I make it through my project defense on June 24th, it is smooth sailing until boards. So, hard-core school work for the rest of the month. Almost there… I just can’t believe that I am done with my “Jackson and Mommy” trips. They have not always been easy, but they have been some of the most memorable bonding moments with my little boy, just us. It almost makes me sad when I think about the fact that that season of our lives is almost over.

so worn out after a great week with his family!

so worn out after a great week with his family!

This is one of two coolers of frozen milk I donated to the Iowa milk bank. In total it was 6 gallons of milk. This will be used in NICUs in the midwest. I was so happy to "share the wealth" :)

This is one of two coolers of frozen milk I donated to the Iowa milk bank. In total it was 6 gallons of milk. This will be used in NICUs in the midwest. I was so happy to “share the wealth” 🙂

 

 

8 months

I seriously just blinked and we went from 7 months to 8 months. April was full of trips east for school and Easter and work and clinicals and daycare and TEETHING. It’s crazy and busy and for the most part so much fun!

8 months

8 months

and just in case you were wondering how tall i am...

and just in case you were wondering how tall i am…

well, teething, not so much.

He had just popped his first tooth through before he turned 7 months. He popped the second bottom one through on Easter. And then he took all of his teething pain and anger out on my boobs. HOLYSHITBALLS. I’ve had zero breastfeeding issues since he was born (except extremely over-producing for a while)… so when he bit me and drug his teeth and drew blood… well, I have a whole new respect fo those who struggle with breastfeeding at the beginning because of cracked/chapped/painful boob issues. We nipped that problem in the butt pretty quickly, and with no new teeth looming right now, it (thankfully) hasn’t been an issue for the last couple weeks.  Through this experience Jackson learned “NO, NO” from mommy… and everytime I would tell him NO when he bit me, he would breakdown into a big crying mess. Drama, drama.

He’s getting closer to crawling. He just won’t lift his pelvis off of the floor. I know I just need to be patient and he will do it on his own time, but I’m getting antsy for him to meet this milestone. Maybe he’ll be a crawl-skipper and go straight to walking.

While I never thought puffs were good for kids, and I still don’t, he loves the damn things, and has really gotten better with his hand-eye coordination feeding himself. I wish I had the time to make things at home. And one could argue that it is my responsibility to my child to give him the healthiest food I can. Well, Gerber is working just fine for us. I’m trying to not think about the fact that he is not swimming in homemade babyfood { #aintnobodygottimeforthat } he does get fresh bananas and melon and avacados. for now, good enough.

just had to eat the sticker backing... baby battles: you win some, you lose some.

just had to eat the sticker backing… baby battles: you win some, you lose some.

I recently looked at some pictures from about 2 months ago, and I can’t believe how much he’s changed… he’s turning into a little boy before my eyes.  Today, for Mother’s Day, my husband and Jackson brought me roses at work (i am the loser who is working on mothers day). It’s just so surreal that I AM A MOMMY, that Mother’s Day is a day meant to celebrate the things I do as Jackson’s mom.

People tell you it will change your life, and you believe them, but you don’t understand them. Until that moment… that moment you look into your baby’s squinty eyes for the first time.

that very moment

that very moment

And in that moment, although it was meant to be from the beginning of time, he became mine and I became his.
You are my joy and blessing. Thank you for letting me be your mommy Jackson Christopher

spring!

It’s may 1st, and while the ability for it to snow it still very much so possible, I’m calling winter over now. I’ve officially moved into my summer hours for NP school, meaning I am in my last semester. Whoofta. While I am done with actual university classes, I still have about 10 things on my check off list to do before I can be a certified, NP in SD. One thing at a time. Next on the list? Finish and defend my project on Childhood BMI Screening and pass my oral exams. No biggie (insert eye rolling sarcasm here).

our first tulip just bloomed

our first tulip just bloomed

Our Easter was wonderful, with beautiful weather, and great company. My sister-in-law came to visit, we basked in the sunlight, grilled with friends, attended sunrise service at Mt.Rushmore, and generally had a wonderful weekend. It’s the happy place I will be calling upon in the next few months as my life gets hectic.

enjoying the nice weather

enjoying the nice weather

watching daddy do yardwork

watching daddy do yardwork

Easter at Mt.Rushmore

Easter at Mt.Rushmore

strollin' on Easter

strollin’ on Easter

strollin' on Easter

strollin’ on Easter

Jackson is growing like a dandelion. Bright, cute, and almost everywhere. He hasn’t quite figured out the crawling, despite my husband’s encouragement, but I foresee it soon. On Easter he cut his second tooth (only bummer out the weekend, because he was extra clingy and grumpy on Sunday). He is my little ray of sunshine. He sleeps for 7 hours straight at night, so we still hang out once per night around 3 am. Most of the time he goes straight back to sleep, but on the unlucky occasion he cries for an hour straight before he’s back to sleep. I can’t explain why really, so Jesse and I feel helpless. We’ve tried things to help, but mostly they just encourage his awakeness, so we’ve found the best was to deal is to CIO. I wish our video monitor had a mute button for those occasions… he’s just on the other side of our wall and I can hear him just fine without the amplification of the monitor. Any suggestions to better these situations are welcome!

dang teeth

dang teeth

first pickle. he actually loved it, after the initial shock :)

first pickle. he actually loved it, after the initial shock 🙂

getting to the toys by himself.

getting to the toys by himself.

helping Gamma with the bottle calf

helping Gamma with the bottle calf

every day life <3

every day life ❤

He’ll be 8 months old next week. I have mixed feelings about this. We’re turning a corner of independence for our son. He will literally soon be able to determine his own path. I know this is the way God intended, but it makes my momma heart sad to know that every day he will crawl a little further away from needing me.

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7 months

7 months. wow. that’s crazy.

7 months.

7 months.

Jackson is a vocal, demanding, hilarious little boy.  The last month has been all about getting more mobile and eating more food. We’re getting closer to crawling, he uses his belly as a fulcrum to spin and get at stuff he wants. Or he rolls, but will only willingly roll to his left, so usually gets rolled at far as he can go, and cries because he’s “stuck” against a wall. Just in the last few days he briefly lifts his little butt up and pushes up with his arms at the same time, so it won’t be long and we’ll need the baby gates up… and to “baby proof.” ugh.

He loves food. I really can’t stress that enough.  And he’s a terribly messy eater. I let him play with the food and grab the spoon to “help,” so his messiness is probably my fault, but I figure it’s good for him. We do a few “solids” like bananas and green beans for him to feed himself, and I anticipate we’ll be increasing those quite a bit this month. He’s also tried the “puffs” – only a few, but I want him to get used to many textures so he’s not gaggy later.

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carrots!

He’s cut one tooth. I thought we might get kicked out of daycare over it… he cried for over 2 hours straight that day, I guess. I told her the next time she should please call me, as no one should be subjected to my son’s anger for that long, except his makers 🙂

He’s improving on the sleeping front. I can count on one waking per night (totally doable for me). Sometimes we’re up twice, but he’s not hungry the second time. And we’ve done a couple of 7-9 hour stretches, which was AWESOME, minus the exploding boobs thing.

the morning when he slept through the night for the first time... 3/25/14.

the morning when he slept through the night for the first time… 3/25/14.

He is a momma’s boy, no arguing that. Momma fixes almost everything. Momma sings the Bird Song every morning. She plays even when she can barely keep her eyes open. And momma has the jugs. I’ve been able to maintain breast-feeding, which is such a blessing.  I am beginning to resent that stupid breast pump, but it’s okay, because it’s for him. I also miss regular bras. Running anytime without pumping first. Sleeping in just a t-shirt. Sleeping without waking to an aching chest. But all so tolerable and worth it for Jackson.

daddy's hat

daddy’s hat

But also loves his dadda. When I can’t get him to sleep, 2 minutes of rocking with daddy and he’s out. Daddy is a great playtime buddy. Daddy pushes Jackson to advance in his skills, but has the most protective and watchful eyes over everything. He rescues Jackson from every single cat and dog hair going into his mouth 🙂 Jesse is the best partner in parenting I could have asked for. He helps in the mornings, packing the Tahoe with the 3-4 bags my life involves on a daily basis and keeping Jackson entertained while I pump. He has found a routine to rock through the 12-13 hour days while I work on the weekends. He sends me pictures throughout the day… but rarely needs or asks for my advice for anything.

Our life is oh so normal, but oh so busy. I am getting to the tail-end of my NP degree, which is exciting. Everything else is just maintaining until I finish that degree.  I don’t have lots of time to blog anymore, which is sad, and my blog reading time has basically been reduced to pumping time, but it is so fun to see the updates of the babies born around the same time as Jackson.  While we may all parent a little differently and make choices with different values in mind, thank you to all of you ladies who share your triumphs and struggles of being a mom and woman in this crazy world. I appreciate your experiences. And all of your babies (most of them girls) are adorable! Please keep updating!

And now for the picture overload…

loves being outside.

loves being outside.

fell asleep bouncing.

fell asleep bouncing.

beating on Mother Goose.

beating on Mother Goose.

chatting at us through the moniter in the mornings

chatting at us through the moniter in the mornings

 

best buds.

best buds.

 

loves.

loves.

my world.

my world. ❤

 

6 months

I’m not sure exactly how a half of a year has passed since my little boy’s birth, but I know it went fast.

Yesterday I took care of a newborn in the clinic who was bigger than Jackson at birth, and yet, I cannot for the life of me remember Jackson being that small.

Our life before Jackson? I remember it. I do. It was full of naps and movies and eating out. I haven’t had a full 8 hour night of sleep for 6 months. I’ve only had my eyebrows waxed 3 times. My hair cut once. And my toenails have been “nude” for forever. My life is no longer about me. My life is about him…

6 months

6 months

 

My life is about knowing when he last pooped.  Knowing that his favorite toy is a colorful squishy rattle ball thingie… for today.  Knowing the difference between a tired cry, a board cry, and a “I need my momma” cry. My life is about nighttime cuddles and spitup on my clothes. It’s about getting up early if I want a shower. Staying up late to pay bills, do homework, and load the dishwasher. My life is about depending on my husband and my family for help, because I can’t do it all, no matter how hard I pretend I can. But my life holds more love than ever.

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And Jackson? He’s about as normal as can be. He’s eating new foods. Still nursing. Putting everything in his mouth. Sitting up. Rolling all over. Not teething. Not crawling. He’s a momma’s boy. A social guy. A demanding spirit. He’s changed so much in the last month, developing his personality and fine tuning his motor skills.

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mr big stuff

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fishy in the tub.

My life is crazy right now. But I only have about 5 months left until graduation day. I wish I could post more often on my blog. Spend more time reading your blogs. Run more. Eat better, etc, etc. But the most important thing for me to do right now is spend time with the beautiful boy sitting on my lap, reaching for the keys as I type. And so I’m going to… love to ya’ll! – A.